Over the last couple of days after the high that i got when God delivered the father of one of my trainee-turned-friend-and-brother-in-Christ, i felt my enthusiasm slowly ebbing away again. I felt myself starting to get caught up in the mundane things of this world. i found myself starting to become impatient once again. questions starting to fill my head once more, about why my current state - in all aspects, remain the same. the trials we faced a year and two years ago are still facing us now (Financially) pay day after pay day. all the more that i could feel it pressing on me now, due to a family crisis that my husband and his family are facing.
my father-in-law was rushed to the ust hospital intensive care unit thursday early morning of last week. immediately upon arriving there, one of my brother-in-law was requested to deposit a minimum of P100,000.00, to which he handed over his car key to the admission attendant. well, to cut the story short, i feel so helpless. i was thinking that if we should be able to help if we claim to have God's blessings. but we dont have that much money.
last sunday after an afternoon siesta with my husband's family - his eldest sister and her 2 daughters, as well as his brother who opted to remain unmarried due to familial obligations and his three other nephews from his other brother - at robinson's galleria, they walked us to the victory christian fellowship center before heading back to the hospital. after the service, just as when we were about to go down to the parking lot, i heard someone calling my name, well shouting my name actually. when i turned around, i saw a former church mate and old friend - John. He was one of the people that my dad helped. he's actually not able to finish a college degree but i would say that he's one determined folk. he told me during our brief conversation that he also goes to church at victory and that he already owns a house in Pasig and in Cavite and that his sister, who used to be a good friend of mine - was also able to purchase her own house in Cavite.
those were all the words i needed to hear and i felt all the questions came flooding back at me. the dam of doubt came flooding back, questions about my standing, the prosperity, the bible verses - all came back to make me feel unsure. unsure because my current situation is contrary to the things that i was told.
last night when i got to the office, I did talk to my friend and brother in Christ - James. Told him that i'm starting to feel spiritually dry. he gave me encouragement to which im grateful. but im waiting for God's word. and when i opened my mail, i found the answer to my questions. my prosperity is detained because, my heart seeks those things more than i long for God. I was reminded of Matthew 3:33 (Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.) I should not distract myself with longings for worldly treasure because it will definitely come, when the Lord can fully trust me with his blessings.
He has always been that way to me. back in my younger days, when i have something i really really like, when that something occupies the number one spot in my heart, i find myself not getting that thing. when i finally told myself that its okay even if i dont get it, that's when God would give me that thing, when he can finally be certain that He's back on the number 1 spot of my heart. The same thing happened over the Mandy Moore concert - yeah I should transfer my blog entry about that here.
Anyway, here is God's word for me last night, which is followed by a much deeper revelation concerning the same matter.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Seekest thou great things for thyself?
Jeremiah 14:5
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=jer+14:5&sr=1
Are you seeking great things for yourself? Not seeking to be a great
one, but seeking great things from God for yourself. God wants you in
a closer relationship to Himself than receiving His gifts, He wants
you to get to know Him. A great thing is accidental, it comes and
goes. God never gives us anything accidental. There is nothing easier
than getting into a right relationship with God except when it is not
God Whom you want but only what He gives.
If you have only come the length of asking God for things, you have
never come to the first strand of abandonment, you have become a
Christian from a standpoint of your own. "I did ask God for the Holy
Spirit, but He did not give me the rest and the peace I expected."
Instantly God puts His finger on the reason - you are not seeking the
Lord at all, you are seeking something for yourself. Jesus says -
"Ask, and it shall be given you." Ask God for what you want, and you
cannot ask if you are not asking for a right thing. When you draw
near to God, you cease from asking for things. "Your Father knoweth
what things ye have need of, before ye ask Him." Then why ask? That
you may get to know Him.
Are you seeking great things for yourself? "O Lord, baptize me with
the Holy Ghost." If God does not, it is because you are not abandoned
enough to Him, there is something you will not do. Are you prepared
to ask yourself what it is you want from God and why you want it? God
always ignores the present perfection for the ultimate perfection. He
is not concerned about making you blessed and happy just now; He is
working out His ultimate perfection all the time - "that they may be
one even as We are."
His word today:
WHAT YOU WILL GET
Thy life will I give thee for a prey in all places
whither thou goest.
Jeremiah 14:5
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=jer+14:5&sr=1
This is the unshakable secret of the Lord to those who trust Him - "I
will give thee thy life." What more does a man want than his life? It
is the essential thing. "Thy life for a prey" means that wherever you
may go, even if it is into hell, you will come out with your life,
nothing can harm it. So many of us are caught up in the shows of
things, not in the way of property and possessions, but of blessings.
All these have to go; but there is something grander that never can
go - the life that is "hid with Christ in God."
Are you prepared to let God take you into union with Himself, and pay
no more attention to what you call the great things? Are you prepared
to abandon entirely and let go? The test of abandonment is in
refusing to say - "Well, what about this?" Beware of suppositions.
Immediately you allow - What about this? - it means you have not
abandoned, you do not really trust God. Immediately you do abandon,
you think no more about what God is going to do. Abandon means to
refuse yourself the luxury of asking any questions. If you abandon
entirely to God, He says at once, "Thy life will I give thee for a
prey." The reason people are tired of life is because God has not
given them anything, they have not got their life as a prey. The way
to get out of that state is to abandon to God. When you do get
through to abandonment to God, you will be the most surprised and
delighted creature on earth; God has got you absolutely and has given
you your life. If you are not there, it is either because of
disobedience or a refusal to be simple enough.
And finally i leave you with a few lines of one of my favorite Gospel songs:
To seek your face and not your hands
To fall in love with the Holy Lamb
To steal your heart with one look of my eyes
To seek your face is my heart's cry
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